New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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