what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
