i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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