im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
