She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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