i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Even my vagina gasped.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Still dying that you shit outside
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
