i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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