Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
