After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
