it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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