after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
