Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
