Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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