Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
someone owes me an orgasm
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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