i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
