you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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