Pants 0. Shit 1.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
