I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
