the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
