Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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