I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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