Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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