Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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