My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's shark week go big or go home
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
