i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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