I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
