You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
