the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
