once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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