i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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