I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
