he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
