sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
