please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
