I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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