I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
