I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
