Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
