No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
