Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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