I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
