Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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