Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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