I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
