Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
