Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
