We need to rekindle our bromance
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
