Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
