I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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