I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
