An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
