So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
