When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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